Alone in the Wilderness: My First Backpacking Experience Alone

THE BEGINNING

The first time I went backpacking overnight alone was an experience.  First thing you must understand is my mind set.  It was not good.  I was going through some extremely difficult personal things.  What I really wanted to do was run away.  Unfortunately, my funds were minimal soo I had to be content with a local walk. Shannon, my wonderful wife,  and I had done a few day hikes and one overnight hike so far, and I had been walking with my back pack on for months to prepare, so I thought it was doable.

THE GOAL

My goal was to hike the entire Finger Lakes Trail (http://www.fingerlakestrail.org) in sections while we lived in New York.  I had already done a lot of day hikes alone. If you don’t know anything about the Finger Lakes Region of NY, (http://www.fingerlakes.org) it is quite beautiful, with “rolling” hills, forests, gorges, waterfalls and consists of 11 lakes.  It is well known for its wine (http://www.fingerlakeswinecountry.com) and Cornell University (http://www.cornell.edu).  The Finger Lakes Trail is 595 miles long end to end.  Maps of the FLT (http://fingerlakestrail.org)  are available for purchase and they come beautifully prepared on waterproof paper. The part I had chosen for my overnight hike had me ending at Robert H. Treman State Park (https://parks.ny.gov/parks/roberttreman/details.asp) outside of Ithaca and was about 15 miles long.

HEADING OUT

I left the house alone, loaded down with my backpack. It was filled with my tent, hundred-pound sleeping bag,(seriously, it was….) cooking utensils, mini propane stove, two phones, my book, journal, clothes, water in a bladder, flipflops, map, compass (which I didn’t know how to use) and food) Specifically, I had one peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a baggy of chips, coffee, creamer, chips,  two apples, and a pack of Ramen Noodles. 

The drive to the trail head took 20 minutes. I parked my car, hefted my pack onto my back and with one foot in front of the other, I started off down the trail.  Shannon and I had done the trail section that ended at this same trail head so my plan was to go in the other direction.  Easy right?  It was a gorgeous morning and I plugged along for about a quarter of a mile and then stopped and looked at my map.

MAP READING

That is when doubt and anxiety kicked in.  I thought, “This isn’t the right way.  I’ve seen that tree before.  Don’t I remember that curve in the path where it went around that big rock?” “I can’t do this alone!” I looked at the map then at the trail.  Anxiety in full gear now!  I decided I’d better turn around and start again before I got too far.  About face and back to the car I went.

As I plodded along, I still had some nagging anxiety… ok… make it a HUGE feeling of anxiety, and extreme doubt. I kept asking myself every time I looked at the map, “Are you sure?”,  “How can you be sure?”,  “OMG, you have no idea.”,  “Shit.”  These thoughts turned to “keep it together Felice” and “you have to make a decision, keep walking or turn around.”  “Shit.”  I checked my map again and looked at everything around me, trying to remember if I’d seen it before, searching for the sight of something so memorable that I’d know I’d been there before, but there just wasn’t. 

I walked 3 miles in this direction and now doubted my sanity completely.  My choices were: keep going, or turn around and RUN!  So… I ran.  I ran back the way I came.  My mind racing much faster than my feet!  An hour later, I passed my original starting point. I hiked 7 miles that day, and I had literally gone nowhere! This was not going well.  I could go home…  I didn’t want to go home.  I wanted to do it… determinedly my foot took the next step and my mind resolved to enjoy the day.