How do you celebrate your child’s birthday when you are the alienated parent? Birthdays are really difficult when you are an alienated parent. Your birthday and the birthdays of your children. My oldest daughter’s birthday was a few days ago. She turned 19. I remember when she was first born, so small and beautiful. Memories filled my mind of the days when she was little and past birthdays.
Her first birthday was spent in Pennsylvania in our first house. We had a big family and neighborhood party. I remember the gift my sister gave her. It was a blow up boat filled with balls! There is a picture of her in the boat. We lived on a golf course and there is also a picture of her pushing a bubble blowing lawn mower across the course as my dad followed her.
More memories flooded my mind of her napping in my lap. She used to always have to fall asleep with her little hand on the skin of my belly! I remember playing with her at the park in the big, wooden pirate ship, when she was still insistent on eating the mulch!
My youngest daughter also turned 16 this year. That was another walk down memory lane. Her first birthday was spent in New York, along with her baptism. She was sick that day and vomited all over the priest while he baptized her! She ended up running a fever all day long and didn’t really enjoy too much that day.
Again, memories brim over like tears. She used to come home from pre-school, get completely naked, and spin and spin on her zebra toy then crash, fast asleep on the floor!
All parents have memories of their children, and it is always sad because they will never be that age again. The hard part for the alienated parent is the inability to continue making memories. We are constantly thinking about them, wondering what they are doing, thinking, feeling. It’s not easy to sit with the sadness. But that is what we have to do. So I grieved, accepted the sadness, and sent love out to my daughters on their special day.
Birthdays are difficult for the alienated parent, but it is also a time to celebrate. After all, you did give birth to an amazing person! So, I remembered all the good and all the love we have shared. This love and the bond we share as mother and daughters has not completely disappeared. It is still there, hiding, waiting for the day that we can celebrate together again.
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