Boundaries: Do Fences Make Better Neighbors?

I was in Texas, walking, and something struck me. Texas is a state of fences. Every house has them along with locked gates accessed only by an electronic keypad.

I’ve always been on the fence about fences. They provide a degree of safety and security, but they also divide, contain, separate. Fences define what is yours and what is mine. Fences are signs that say “Don’t Tread Here” and “No Trespassing”. I usually hold a sign that says ” Feel Free to Step All Over Me”. That hasn’t really worked great for me, but I don’t like to shut people out or make people feel bad.

I started thinking, maybe Texas has it right. After all, aren’t fences just boundaries? So the question is Boundaries: Do Fences Make Better Neighbors?

Boundaries, I’ve learned, are important. Important in relationships, hiking, yoga, work and many other things. I started therapy a few months ago and boundaries have been a BIG topic. Mainly because I didn’t have any. I began learning, researching, listening to podcasts on YouTube. I learned a lot from my therapist and Julia Christina on YouTube. I also fortified this knowledge by listening daily to positive affirmations on boundary setting by Kenneth Soares.

However, diving deep into boundaries and how they affect your mental health is just the first step. The second step is actually putting your own personal boundaries into place. Oh, where to start?

First, I identified, with the help of my therapist, where I was having some struggles in my daily life. Shining a flashlight on my day and highlighting when I felt anxious or stressed was a good, easy start. I then implemented simple boundaries at work, like hanging a sign on my office door to indicate when I was busy and asking fellow employees to please knock. Sounds simple, but it changed my daily work life from frustrating and stressful to manageable. It also allowed me to prioritize myself and my work over other people’s work, questions, and probably most importantly for me, venting sessions.

Those are simple examples of boundary setting, but practice makes perfect. First the small things, then I could start working on the BIG boundaries, like not tolerating emotional abuse by validating my self worth. Still a work in progress.

As I thought about my own personal boundaries and how they made my life better, I rethought Texas and their use of fences just about everywhere you looked. Maybe Texans aren’t being arrogant and stand-offish but are actually saying, “respect me and mine and I will respect yours.” Because that is what boundaries ultimately convey, respect. Respect for yourself and respect for others.

I continued walking, seeing fence after fence, pass me by but now I could see the beauty in all the different varieties. There were wood fences, solid fences made from pieces of fallen trees, iron fences, stone fences, electric fences, farm fences, fences made out of types of chicken wire. All had matching gates decorated with names, numbers and flowers. Most of them were appealing and inviting.

So maybe fences, and boundaries, do make better neighbors. Maybe they allow people to protect what is most important to them, themselves, their hearts and souls, and who they love most. Fences keep them sane and safe, just like boundaries protect our emotional space and keep our self identity safe.